In spite of it all…
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I’m negotiating a particularly rocky and difficult trail on my journey these days; I am being quite truthful when I say that up until now I have never felt fear.
Racing on the big track at Willow Springs, hitting 170MPH on the back straight – on a motorcycle – then coming into the off camber tightness that is turn two, high siding and throwing the bike away at 75MPH, sliding through the turn on my ass: no fear. None.
Having somebody standing 3 feet away from me in a parking garage at 11PM pull a gun on me: no fear. None.
Coming out of a medically induced coma, being extubated: no fear. None.
The past week or so I have been nearly paralyzed by fear as I confront some hard realities that are unfolding before me which I know I must traverse.
This afternoon, after I finished working on my new website, I went out to the garage, turned on the stereo, cleaned up my work area a bit, and then sat down in front of the Wicked Edge vise. I turned on the LED light; I got my cleaning stuff prepped and ready. I opened my tackle box that has all my stones, strops, films, grits, and blanks and did a quick inventory, making sure that everything was in its proper place.
It was sunny, and the temperature was in the mid-70s.
I decided that I would work to accomplish three things: one, to repair some small chips on the blade of my Spyderco Chubby – that would be the payoff goal. Two, I would continue my experiment with different lubrication / cleaning fluids. And three, I would try to narrow down some options and continue looking for a workable progression of abrasives.
After getting the knife clamped in and aligned to the sweet spot, I started at 400 grit, diamond stone. I tracked number of strokes and type of stroke. In between stroke type changes, I relubed the stone. Soon, I fell into that Zen state; the “zipping” sound of the stone against the rod, the motion of my hand and arm: zip-pause-click-zip-pause-click over and over, taking my mind away from the fear, and letting it go to some other place where fear does not exist, some other place where I am calm, and all is well.
Some other place where I no longer worry about outcomes, I no longer worry about futures. Some other place where, in spite of it all, the fear falls away like so many dead blossoms, and I am left with the oneness of the living universe, the wisdom of the elder trees. Some other place where I find peace, where the simple beauty of the sun shining down on the trees is a blessing both plentiful and wonderful.
Does anybody else ever fall into such a state while sharpening?
As somebody with advanced terminal cancer, there will be dark days when I complain about things you say for no apparent reason. Please consider this my apology in advance for such times. There will be days that what I say is clearly wrong, making no sense: on these days I will often be argumentative. Please do not "let me slide" at such times, but rather call me out, point out what is factually wrong, and demand I explain my position. Please also consider this my apology in advance for such times.
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I wish you all the best RL. We all have a limited time here, most of us just don’t know how long it will be. It’s very heartening to read you are trying to make the best of this time. That is what we all should do and many of us can learn a lot about it.
And I too think that the relaxation that sharpening with the WE brings is one of the main reasons I love it. I think I’ve compared it to Zen as well at times.
Molecule Polishing: my blog about sharpening with the Wicked Edge
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Beautifully written. Fear itself can be more debilitating than the things we’re most afraid of. I’m glad you found an outlet.
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Thank you for posting that beautifully written experience. I find sharpening to be very meditative as well.
-Clay
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Beautifully written. Fear itself can be more debilitating than the things we’re most afraid of. I’m glad you found an outlet.
+1
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Sharpening is very therapeutic for me as well, very relaxing.
Your post is truly one of the most touching things I’ve ever read. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with us. A real blessing to me to have read it.
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